'I Quit Social Media. I've Never Felt Happier'

At first, my friends and family understood my emotional and confusing situation. I had been in a relationship with someone that I cared for, and things were great. Normal. We had balance, a mutual respect and enjoyed one another's company. But then, as in most unhealthy relationships, things changed.

Looking back, it happened slowly but also very suddenly. He compared me to other women every time we were together. He gave me attention only when I looked attractive instead of when I had something important or intelligent to say. He became creepily needy for my attention. My conversations with friends seemed to orbit around him and what he was doing. The things we did together were no longer fulfilling, but I did them anyway.

As my loved ones tried to help, I learned that many of them had similar experiences or felt as I did with their current partners. "This is just how relationships are sometimes," they said. But eventually, people began blaming me. Their understanding comments turned into questions like, "So, why don't you just leave?"

I felt shame. It was my fault. I deserved everything I got because I was staying and asking for it. I kept going back, caught in a codependency I never saw for myself.
And then finally, at the end of 2022, I left. But this is not a story of toxic masculinity; it's a story of social media.

Why I deleted social media

I stayed in my relationship with social media for seven years. Facebook, Instagram and Tik Tok were how I enjoyed interacting with my friends' lives and how I shared my own. I saw Instagram as a creative outlet for my photography interests and even started a second professional page, then a third, for my dogs.

Then, the week I released my book, Instagram suspended my account, accusing me of hiring a company to gain followers, which I had not. During the week my account was suspended, a lot changed. On a walk with my dog, I sat at my favorite local coffee shop. My dog looked up at me, looking adorable as always, and I had the compulsion to squat down and take a picture with him.

"I can't post it, so what's the point?" I thought.

I gasped out loud. Was social media really the only reason I was documenting my life? As someone who had a photography company, participated in gallery shows and who made GoPro videos of her travels, I realized my documenting was reduced to one single purpose—validation through social media.

I realized in that moment how much my behavior changed to adapt to what others would find likable. My posts sharing insightful, sophisticated content received little engagement, while attractive pictures gained the clicks and comments. I looked back on days I shared posts I had researched and worked hard on, only to feel deflated when they didn't receive high engagement.

It saddened me to fully understand how much time I had wasted, realizing I could have spent those hours creating assets and courses, or simply being in nature, resetting myself and gaining clarity on my business and goals.

So, even when my Instagram suspension lifted, I asked myself, "What are you getting from this?" Without a good answer, the decision to delete the apps from my phone felt natural and easy.

Living without social media

When I left social media, my friends' most common question was, "Why are you leaving?" and then, parenthetically, "Besides all the obvious reasons."

My friends were also frustrated with the platforms, but I think the downsides of social media have become so normalized that we don't even see them anymore. It was like I needed an entirely different reason to leave, other than everything we know is harmful and wasteful about it.

These days, I call my friends. Sometimes they answer and sometimes they don't. But when they do, I love hearing their voices. I find myself smiling and excited to speak with them—a feeling I never experienced with social media.

We actually have things to talk about because I haven't seen their last five posts about their weekend. Our conversations can be curious and deep, and I ask things like, "How are you feeling about that?" or, "Tell me what that experience was like for you!"

If pressed, I'd say I miss inspiring people through social media. I didn't post anything during my trip to Europe and India and I miss showing people, especially women, that you can live an epic life without a husband and children if that's what's right for you. But I plan to put everything I'd save for social media on my website, so it will all be out there somehow.

Giving up social media has opened up my life. I am happier, lighter and more productive. I feel empowered because I let go of an activity that was absorbing so much of my time and energy.

I find myself with an hour here and there to meditate, play with my dogs, or to clean up around my house. I've noticed I feel more focused because I am not constantly picking up my phone and scrolling the second I get a break in my day. Instead, I think, "What can I do with this time?" and then I go do it.

After deleting the apps, I could feel myself coming back to life in every sense of the word. To myself. To my hobbies. To my life before social media, when I was so much less encumbered, less dependent, more interesting and free.

Gianna Biscontini is the author of F***less:A Guide to Wild, Unencumbered Freedom. She is also a behavior scientist, lifestyle design coach and founder of the cultural analytics company, W3RKWELL.

All views expressed in this article are the author's own.

Do you have a unique experience or personal story to share? Email the My Turn team at myturn@newsweek.com

Uncommon Knowledge

Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

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